Somebody said a prayer...

It's been awhile.

Things are continuing to move forward. I'm happy to report I don't feel so angry anymore. I've noticed the suffocating sadness has increased though. There is a girl, my age, who is good friends of our family. She is pregnant. We were excited to be pregnant together. She is still pregnant. Everytime I look at her facebook, I just get mad. I don't care about her baby shower, I dont care that she only has a month left, and NO I dont want to meet her baby.
Its very strange to me. I hate seeing infants out in public. Yet, I take care of the sweetest 9 month old baby everyday and I am so completely inlove with him. He was a lifesaver in July. Its funny how things work.

It just isn't the natural progression of things. When you become pregnant, your suppose to deliver a baby. Your suppose to be able to buy baby clothes and diapers. Your not suppose to watch your baby leave your body. Your not suppose to lay paralyzed on the floor because the pain is so intense as your baby fades from your body. Its just not NATURAL. When I first started miscarrying the doctor told me I would actually see "products of conception" because of how far along I was. The baby had started forming before its heart stopped beating. Stupid me, looked everytime I went to the bathroom. I bled for a couple days before but the day I actually passed the baby was the worse. I just can't even explain how horrible it is to see your BABY. The image still haunts me. There was no denying that it was the "product of conception" or better yet, my CHILD. I still remember ever detail about it. It was the most horrible expierence of my entire life...and I've been through some tramatic things...but that by far outweighed them all.

I laugh when people ask me if my tattoo hurt a ton. The night I got it, you know what I kept telling myself...there is no way in hell it can be any more painful than miscarrying. It's sad when thats what you compare your pain tolerence to.

Right there on the edge
Right there before she fell
Somebody said a prayer
Somebody had some faith
Somebody finally hit their knees, and asked for help
For her sake.